News, News, and More News

It looks like in the middle of April, Pepsi will be releasing Pepsi Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback that will contain real sugar cane instead of high fructose corn syrup.  Now, HFCS is supposed to, according to the corn guys, enhance a drink's flavor and, oh yeah, it's cheaper.  However, according to most people, sugar is just better.  When the drink comes out, you know I'll pick up some and compare and we'll see if it's just that the grass is always greener on the other side or else we've been gyped out on flavor.

Maybe next, they'll bring back Crystal Pepsi.  And no, I won't shut up about it.

Oh, and in other news, Coca Cola has created a bad ass machine that is so far called the Soda Robot.  It's a vending machine that can dispense up to 120 flavors!  You select your drink and then the Robot mixes your drink right there and shoots it into a cup like a coffee machine.  They're going to use concentrated ingredients in cartridges to conserve space and give you the variety that all soda jerks demand.  Coca Cola is testing them in Georgia and parts of California before releasing them nationwide in 2010.

The future looks so god damn bright right now!  Santa got my letter!

Oh yeah, and Satan is trying to get an 18% soda tax passed in the state of New York.  Replace Satan with Governor David Patterson.  He believes that it won't pass, so of course, it was worth the taxpayers money to even bring it up, right?  All these people get paid to handle the creation of new laws and bills- and they don't come cheap.  So, the amount of taxes he wanted to bring in from it was basically blown on the salaries of everyone who wasted time dealing with this, instead of dealing with more pressing issues, like trying to brainwash everyone into thinking they're one day away from being super rich.  I mean, Satan even said he doesn't expect it to pass.  So then what the frig is the point?

I mean, is this how we reward soda?  All the great things they've given us (minus diabetes, heartburn, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and countless others) like a great drink that can go with friggin' anything?!  And as delicious as Kool Aid is, soda just makes it its bitch.

Doesn't Governor Patterson sound like Vacini from The Princess Bride and Professor Frink from the Simpsons had a baby?